Friday, October 26, 2007

His Road Trip...Her Road Trip



From Here To There In Four Easy Steps

1. Pulls off at wrong exit.

2. Opens window.

3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer.

4. Arrives at destination presently.



From Here To Nowhere - But Who The Hell Wanted To Get There Anyway?

1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.

2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.

3. Drives an extra five miles just in case.

4. Finally rolls down window.

5. Sees something wild from the woods staring right back at him.

6. Pulls up to a 7-Eleven.

7. Gets three hot dogs, a large Slurpee and beef jerky.

8. Asks foreigner behind counter how to get back onto the highway.

9. Gets back into car.

10. Farts, after he closes the door.

11. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-Eleven.

12. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because the pimply 17-year-old 7-Eleven cashier said it was.

13. Almost hits a deer.

14. Curses the night.

15. Curses you.

16. Curses the large Slurpee.

17. Stops by the side of the road.

18 Takes a leak.

19. Still taking a leak.

20. Almost done...I think.

21. Returns to car.

22. Drives and fiddles with radio.

23. Yells at you for suggesting the map again.

24. Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.

25. He hates your sister, ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.

26. He had to look up pernicious.

27. Couldn't find a dictionary.

28. Finally found a dictionary.

29. Couldn't spell pernicious.

30. Seethes at the memory of it all.

31. But she is laughing inside.

32. And of course you're still lost.

Borat's Guide To Dating

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1 comment:

Paula and Elwood's Poetic Palace said...

If this is not how my morning started , it would be funny.
I had to take him to the airport and he has NO sense of direction but insisted on driving anyway.
With all the changes since the last time he has been there, he got lost, refused to listen to me and ended up circling the airport three times. My only question would be "WHY".. why won't men ask for directions?