Saturday, April 28, 2007

Live, Drink & Be Merry - But Don't Pass Out In Front Of Your Date!

They say a glass or two of red wine each day is good for the heart and good for your health. They say wine gladdens the heart of man. They say wine is a refined drink which will help paint the world a more rosy color. What they never told this woman in the next story is that if you drink wine - make sure you don't pass out at the wrong time and in the wrong place!

This is a story about a date my younger sister went on many years ago.

She was fixed up by a co-worker. The guy came to pick her up and was above and beyond anything she was hoping for. He took her to a very nice restaurant. While they ate they talked about their lives, their families. She was particularly interested in his little boy, a blonde cutie age three or so. She had visited a fortune teller a few months earlier and the woman had told her that she would have a blonde little child in her life within the next few years. My sister was starting to think this guy was "the one".

Dinner progressed, he ordered a bottle of wine, my sister (who doesn't drink very often) talked and sipped, sipped and talked and had a wonderful time. As all good things do, the dinner came to an end and it was time for them to leave. She stood up, he held her coat for her, she took one step forward and collapsed onto the floor. The wine was too much for her. The fall was too much for him. She never heard from him again.
Submitted by Connie

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Didn't Your Mom Ever Teach You Not To Go Bar-Hopping?

This next submission is not as much as funny as it is eye-opening. The author, (who wishes to remain anonymous) wrote in the introduction in her email as follows:

I was so stupid, I should be whipped soundly. But if by reading the following dating horror story, someone learns a lesson, then it works for me. It’s not very amusing, so I’ll understand if you don’t want to publish it.
Of course she is right. It should be something to learn from. Just goes to show you... it ain't all looks! But this is still a Date Out Of Hell!
Years ago… I must have been 24 or 25 at the time… I went bar-hopping with my best friend and a friend of his. At the time I was living in Flint, Michigan and although I had a child at home, I was living with my parents so I had a pretty free and easy life. My best friend knew of this awesome new jazz bar where we could hang out, listen to some good music and try to pick up members of the opposite sex – girls for him and his friend, guys for me.

It wasn’t too long before I noticed this incredible specimen sitting at the bar. Drop dead gorgeous. I caught his eyes and gave him my best come-hither look. He smiled and shot his best back at me. It was lust at first sight. For the next couple hours, we were inseparable – playing pool, dancing, and talking. He was everything I was looking for in a guy – smart, funny, gainfully employed - and he was hot to boot. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.

Around midnight, he asked me if I wanted to blow the jazz bar and head over to one of the local dance clubs. At least several gin and tonics past the rational thinking point and topping out the hormone meter, I said, “Sure”. Thereby leaving my friends and my ride behind. (I was lucky he was a nice guy, and not some psychotic serial rapist.)

We went to the other bar and this guy just kept racking up brownie points with me. He was a good dancer; he held the door for me; he battled the crowd to approach the bar and he paid for everything. What a man.

Two o’clock rolled around, and we left the club headed for his car – holding hands and almost unable to keep our hands off each other. It was wonderful. After several minutes of intense smooching, he leans back in his seat and reaches above his car’s visor. I had no idea what he was doing, and I wasn’t really caring at that point. Then he reaches up and removes his rearview mirror, and in the dark, fiddles with something in his hand. Before I knew it, he was sniffing along the surface of the mirror.

I was too stunned to speak. Here we were, and this perfect guy was doing a line of coke right there in front of me. He offered me some, and it was all I could do not to scream “No.” I very politely refused and then very politely asked him to take me home.

Needless to say, when he called to ask me out, I refused. He didn’t understand, even when I told him my policy on drugs, but he accepted my choice. I'm just lucky it didn't get ugly.

To this day, I still think how sad it was that a guy who had so much going for him felt the need to mess his brain up with drugs.
Submitted by: Anonymous

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I Want You Back!

This Date From Hell is one take on the old "I want you back" thing. While wanting someone back may be great, and certainly plays great in romantic movies, it just does not seem to have that same flair when the person you want back happens to be out with another, and too much alcohol is available. Imagine being the 3rd party in this scenario!

Many, many years ago I was a young Sailor and the command I was assigned to was having a gala Christmas Party for all the Enlisted personnel. I was rather new to the duty station, but I worked up the nerve to ask this one nice looking girl who was a civil servant at the same command. She said yes. Picked her up and went to the party which involved a Cocktail Hour and then a seated Formal Dinner. I do not remember the menu, but I do remember that the nice looking girl who was a civil servant had a previous boy friend at the same party. After dinner he approached her for a Dance. Well, this is when things got interesting. He had dropped her a few months earlier, but now had seen the error of his ways. To make a long story short, he danced with her and I do not know what they talked about, but he proceeded to overindulge in the adult beverages and was soon in a not so polite mode. He became angry and upset that his former girl did not want anything to do with him. Someone else finally took him from the party.

Once the party was over I took my nice looking girl date back to her apartment. Never asked for another date and went on with my life. Not a very nice Command Christmas Party to say the least.
Alan From Macon, Georgia

Monday, April 23, 2007

You Just Gotta Love Those Teeth!

For the first Date From Hell, we have the following story submitted by Heidi, from Orange, CA:

On a first date, Larry took me to a nice seafood restaurant on the harbor. He was a 30-something musician with braces. I respect when an adult pays for their own orthodontia because, well, teeth are important. So having braces didn't bother me. They come off eventually. But this guy followed all those orthodontic mandates without any sense of subtlety or discretion.

We sat down and he immediately asked if it would bother me if he just took his rubber bands out right there at the table, or if he should excuse himself to the bathroom. First of all, I was thinking, "Why would you want me to watch you dig in your own mouth to fish out a saliva covered piece of rubber right before a meal?!" What I said was, "Do whatever you like." He did it right there at the table. I averted my eyes for my own sake.

Trying to put the rubbery grossness behind, I did my best to enjoy the meal and conversation. His first tidbit was that he had 2 dreams: to be in the restaurant business and to find a wife. I pursued the first line of thought. I asked him about his goals for running a restaurant: chef, owner, or something else? No, what he meant was to manage a Jack-in-the-Box. I should have known better.

Dessert was offered and he declined by saying "Sugar is poison." Okay, that was just too juicy to pass up so I asked him what he meant. He told me his nutritionist was pretty sure that sugar was the cause of the panic attacks he'd been having.

As we go to leave the restaurant, we both head into the restrooms. I took so long doing the girl thing in the bathroom I was sure he'd be standing out there waiting for me, but when I came out, he was nowhere to be seen. I waited a few minutes more and began to think it seemed weird for a guy to take that long in the bathroom and I wondered if everything was okay. He finally emerged and apologized for taking so long, but he'd had to brush his teeth. Orthodontist's orders! As much as I thought that was overkill, it was nothing compared to the shock of when he stepped in front of me and I saw that this whole time, he'd had a full size tube of toothpaste and a full size toothbrush sticking out of his back pocket! Get. me. home.

I climbed in the passenger seat of this truck and when he opened the glove compartment to put away his toothbrush and toothpaste, 4 hairbrushes tumbled out onto my lap; the perfect ending to a perfectly awful date.
Heidi, from Orange, CA

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Dates Out Of Hell - How & What To Submit

If you read the header above, you got the picture. Just for the sake of clarification let us repeat it.

Remember the guy who took you out and spent more time on the cell phone than talking to you? Or that woman who suddenly started singing an opera out loud in the middle of the restaurant? Got to love Blind Dates too! Are you 15 to 80? Single, Divorced, Widowed? Perhaps you are happily Married now but still remember the dating scene and some of those crazy dates you had? Dates Out Of Hell is the place for you to share these Serious & Humorous Stories - All being DATES OUT OF HELL!
What we want and what we don't want @ "Dates Out Of Hell".
  1. Humorous or Serious Stories about your dates.
  2. Age does not matter - but the story should either have a point, a lesson to be learned or be funny or everything together!
  3. No real names!!!!! Use a pseudonym for anyone mentioned in the post!
  4. No profanity. If you are describing something or reporting a conversation please use the ever present F#$%^&* (or something like that.)
  5. Your submission should be spell checked. It will not be spell checked on this side. If it is really unreadable it will not be posted.
  6. Dates Out Of Hell reserves the right to reject any submission for whatever reasons.
  7. We will not publish any "pornographic" depictions.
  8. Your submission must be in the body of your email. NO WORD ATTACHMENTS! They will be deleted immediately.
  9. Pictures are welcome - and they will be posted with your submission. You may submit either .jpg, .gif or .png and attach it to your email.
  10. Your email should have the subject "Submission to Dates Out Of Hell".
  11. Your submission may be as long or as short as you wish it to be.
  12. You may submit as many stories as you wish, but, please, only ONE story per email.
  13. Your email should be signed with your name. Please tell us what Country & City you are from. Your submission will end with as follows:
    John from San Francisco, CA
    Mary from Toronto Canada
  14. We will not ever publish your email address or your last name or any other "defining" characteristics. If you wish us to sign it just with "Anonymous" let us know this in your email.
  15. Under no conditions will we publish any racist or hate story. That is a big no-no.
All email and submissions should be sent to the following address. (Click on the icon to open your email client.)

3. You May Also Use the Form Below to Submit Your "Date Out Of Hell" & Click Submit When You Are Done:

First Name:

Email Address:

Your Date Out Of Hell Story:

Legal Information & Notice

In plain English, when you submit your Dating Story to "Dates Out Of Hell" you are transferring your ownership and copyright of said material to "Dates Out Of Hell" with no claim for reimbursement and with a royalty-free license. "Dates Out Of Hell" maintains the sole right to reproduce, modify, publish, distribute the Dating Story. "Dates Out Of Hell" further maintains all copyright rights to the Dating Story, and can at its sole discretion, store it upon servers on the Internet, publish it, publicize it, and place it in any and all medium of publishing at its disposal. Furthermore, "Dates Out Of Hell" reserves the right to edit and or arrange the Dating Story, remove it, or not publish it.

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If for whatever reason you do not agree with the above notice, do not send your Dating Story to "Dates Out Of Hell"!