Sunday, October 28, 2007

Words Of Wisdom...



HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


MEMORY

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.


APPEARANCE

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


Sane Advice For Him & Her




And our video for the day:

Speed Dating 101





You too can post your dating story on Dates Out Of Hell. Click here to find out how!

Friday, October 26, 2007

His Road Trip...Her Road Trip




HER TRIP

Subtitled:

From Here To There In Four Easy Steps






1. Pulls off at wrong exit.

2. Opens window.

3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer.

4. Arrives at destination presently.



HIS TRIP

Subtitled:

From Here To Nowhere - But Who The Hell Wanted To Get There Anyway?




1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.

2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.

3. Drives an extra five miles just in case.

4. Finally rolls down window.

5. Sees something wild from the woods staring right back at him.

6. Pulls up to a 7-Eleven.

7. Gets three hot dogs, a large Slurpee and beef jerky.

8. Asks foreigner behind counter how to get back onto the highway.

9. Gets back into car.

10. Farts, after he closes the door.

11. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-Eleven.

12. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because the pimply 17-year-old 7-Eleven cashier said it was.

13. Almost hits a deer.

14. Curses the night.

15. Curses you.

16. Curses the large Slurpee.

17. Stops by the side of the road.

18 Takes a leak.

19. Still taking a leak.

20. Almost done...I think.

21. Returns to car.

22. Drives and fiddles with radio.

23. Yells at you for suggesting the map again.

24. Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.

25. He hates your sister, ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.

26. He had to look up pernicious.

27. Couldn't find a dictionary.

28. Finally found a dictionary.

29. Couldn't spell pernicious.

30. Seethes at the memory of it all.

31. But she is laughing inside.

32. And of course you're still lost.




Borat's Guide To Dating




You too can post your dating story on Dates Out Of Hell. Click here to find out how!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Presenting "He Says, He Thinks"..."She Says, She Thinks"

Presenting




What's wrong?

What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?



I'm hungry

I'm hungry



I'm sleepy

I'm sleepy



I'm tired

I'm tired



What's did I do wrong now?

I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.



Yes, I like the way you cut your hair

I liked it better before



Yes, I like the way you cut your hair

$50 and it doesn't look that much different!



I like that one better (while shopping)

We have been shopping for four hours! Would you just pick any freakin' dress you want and let's go home!



And Now For...




We need to talk

I need to complain



Sure... go ahead
I don't want you to



I'm not yelling!
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important



We need
I want



It's your decision
The correct decision should be obvious by now



Do what you want
You'll pay for this later



I'm not upset
Of course I'm upset, you moron!



You're ... so manly
You need a shave and you sweat a lot



You're certainly attentive tonight
Is sex all you ever think about?



I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
I've got my period



Be romantic, turn out the lights
I have flabby thighs



I want new curtains
and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....



I need wedding shoes
the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white



Hang the picture there
NO, I mean hang it there!



I heard a noise
I noticed you were almost asleep



Do you love me?
I'm going to ask for something expensive



How much do you love me?
I did something today you're really not going to like



I'll be ready in a minute
Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV



Is my bum fat?
Tell me I'm beautiful



You have to learn to communicate
Just agree with me



Are you listening to me!?
[Too late, you're dead.]



Yes
No



No
No



Maybe
No



I'm sorry
You'll be sorry



This kitchen is so inconvenient
I want a new house



Do you like this recipe?
It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it



Was that the baby?
Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.



All we're going to buy is a soap dish
It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

You too can post your dating story on Dates Out Of Hell. Click here to find out how!