The following was written and submitted by Vicky Zhou who co-founded the website "Got A Crush" (details after the written article).
You were nervous going in, traffic kept you up so you showed up late and now you are fumbling with your words trying to think of things to say. No one likes the feeling of a bad date, nor do most people like being in a situation where it is obvious the person they are with is not enjoying themselves.
Luckily, if you are smart about things and remain calm, there are some ways you can turn that bad date around and redeem yourself by nights end.
Flat Out Apologize And Ask To Start Over
Sometimes if things are going very badly, you might just want to apologize for the rough start (this would be applicable say if you arrived late) and then ask if you could start over. Most people do realize that dating can be an intimidating process and if they are fairly interested in you from speaking with you before hand will be willing to 'start fresh' once again.
Move The Date To A Different Environment
Sometimes it's not so much that you and your date are having trouble with each other but more of an issue with the situation you are in. When this is the case, it's best to just pick the date up and move somewhere else.
For example, if you are at a noisy event and can hardly hear each other over all the screaming that's taking place, go somewhere that's a little more intimate where you can actually have a decent conversation.
Stop & Breathe
On some dates, the issue is solely with yourself. Maybe you have become so overly nervous that you just can't put together sentences or you can hardly look the other person in the eye. Whatever the case, stop and take a deep breath. Remind yourself that the person is here with you because they showed interest.
Another way of looking at things that might help you to relax is to think of the situation as them needing to impress you. Obviously you don't want to act in such a way as to make them feel as though they are being interviewed, but being partially in this mindset will help take some of the pressure off yourself.
Change Conversation Topics To Something You Are More Comfortable With
At times the cause of a date going badly can be because of the conversation topics that were discussed. If there were things you either weren't comfortable discussing in the first place or things that you knew very little about, you might not have really said much at all.
This could be leaving your date with the impression that you aren't all that friendly or aren't enjoying yourself, which again is not something you want to portray.
At the next opportunity, take the initiative and change the conversation to something you do like to talk about. The simple fact that you feel more comfortable will improve your mood as well as the impression you give off.
Ask More Questions
Most people love to talk about themselves. So if your date is not going the way you'd like it to and you are getting the impression the other person is not enjoying themselves, start asking them more questions about their interests. As long as you are showing genuine interest most individuals will not have a problem discussing this.
Bring In Outside Help
If the date is going really poorly, you might want to consider bringing in outside help to improve the situation. Some type of small scale surprise is usually welcomed.
For example, if you are eating in a restaurant, get up to go to the bathroom but instead talk to your server and get them to deliver a dessert to the table after clearing the plates. A small gesture such as this might help to lighten the mood and almost everyone loves sharing dessert.
Re-frame Your Mind
If you are already convinced that the date is ruined then likely there is going to be anything you can do to turn it around. Instead, try and reframe your mindset and focus on whatever few positive things have happened and then move forward from there. Take each moment as it comes and forget about the past.
Try and smile more to give off a positive vibe and try and get your body to relax. Body signals are huge when it comes to communication so sending the right ones might just change the impression the other person is getting of you.
So next time you are on a date that isn't go so well, consider trying one of these tips. The sooner you can realize that things aren't looking so great the sooner you can make the effort to improve the situation.
About Guest Blogger Vicky Zhou. Vicky is a dating/relationship and women lifestyle expert who co-founded the website "Got A Crush". This website is devoted to free sane advice on dating. Their mission statement is as follows:
If you are a single man or woman, we know how tough it is to find the right guy or gal for us. And it's even tougher trying to find a website that will provide free information on how to meet the right person. I know how difficult it is.. but the goal of this site is to provide valuable information on how to find that special someone, how to date, and provide answers to common relationship questions.Vicky describes her reasons for co-founding Got A Crush as follows:
I made this site because I struggled for many years with finding the right guy. I had no trouble getting asked out, but finding my soulmate was something else. No matter who I dated, something didn't click.. Well, finally after learning more about dating, and how relationships worked, I finally understood why things didn't work out. I became very interested in the mechanics, and psychology of dating, and started freelance writing for various publications. I will have a new book coming out around November of 2008, so look for it in bookstores.Read more dating tips, advice, and tidbits @ Got A Crush.
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