Monday, April 23, 2007

You Just Gotta Love Those Teeth!

For the first Date From Hell, we have the following story submitted by Heidi, from Orange, CA:

On a first date, Larry took me to a nice seafood restaurant on the harbor. He was a 30-something musician with braces. I respect when an adult pays for their own orthodontia because, well, teeth are important. So having braces didn't bother me. They come off eventually. But this guy followed all those orthodontic mandates without any sense of subtlety or discretion.

We sat down and he immediately asked if it would bother me if he just took his rubber bands out right there at the table, or if he should excuse himself to the bathroom. First of all, I was thinking, "Why would you want me to watch you dig in your own mouth to fish out a saliva covered piece of rubber right before a meal?!" What I said was, "Do whatever you like." He did it right there at the table. I averted my eyes for my own sake.

Trying to put the rubbery grossness behind, I did my best to enjoy the meal and conversation. His first tidbit was that he had 2 dreams: to be in the restaurant business and to find a wife. I pursued the first line of thought. I asked him about his goals for running a restaurant: chef, owner, or something else? No, what he meant was to manage a Jack-in-the-Box. I should have known better.

Dessert was offered and he declined by saying "Sugar is poison." Okay, that was just too juicy to pass up so I asked him what he meant. He told me his nutritionist was pretty sure that sugar was the cause of the panic attacks he'd been having.

As we go to leave the restaurant, we both head into the restrooms. I took so long doing the girl thing in the bathroom I was sure he'd be standing out there waiting for me, but when I came out, he was nowhere to be seen. I waited a few minutes more and began to think it seemed weird for a guy to take that long in the bathroom and I wondered if everything was okay. He finally emerged and apologized for taking so long, but he'd had to brush his teeth. Orthodontist's orders! As much as I thought that was overkill, it was nothing compared to the shock of when he stepped in front of me and I saw that this whole time, he'd had a full size tube of toothpaste and a full size toothbrush sticking out of his back pocket! Get. me. home.

I climbed in the passenger seat of this truck and when he opened the glove compartment to put away his toothbrush and toothpaste, 4 hairbrushes tumbled out onto my lap; the perfect ending to a perfectly awful date.
Heidi, from Orange, CA

1 comment:

The Val Blog said...

This one gets my VOTE!